ANTICIPATION EMANCIPATION

The battle rages on, inflicting havoc on all whom it touches. And it touches virtually all. Two sworn enemies, wearing similar looking uniforms that confuse one with the other and make them virtually indistinguishable. In fact, in my research for this post, the description of each referred to the other...as if they were one and the same and not deadly opponents.

The two warriors? EXPECT and ANTICIPATE.

"I expected I would be established in a career by now...be married and have a family by now...be financially secure by now." "Since I treated him fairly, I expect him to treat me fairly." "I did everything I was supposed to do. Am I not entitled to expect some happiness?"

No. When EXPECT involves other people, which it almost always does, it includes an element of obligation: "The reason why I expect something to happen is because the others involved are committed to doing certain things, they've promised to do those things, they are morally obliged to do them". "I EXPECT them to do it." Perhaps, but EXPECT deals with the future...the unknowable future...and there is simply no way to know exactly what that future will bring. There is no way to know for certain how others will behave (often difficult to know how we ourselves will behave). There are thousands of reasons why the expected never becomes what happens. EXPECT is dangerously built on "weak and shifting sands"...and fails to recognize that others have free choice.

And when the expectation does not come to be, whack!, we get hit with disappointment, disillusion, depression. The world becomes to us not such a great and marvelous place in which to live. A few doses of that and, whack!, a loss of self esteem, anger, violence.

Reject EXPECT, embrace ANTICIPATE, which is predicated on the likelihood, the probability, of what will happen in the future based on what I know know know of yesterday and today. Likelihood. That is a thoughtful, rational, way to approach the unknowable future...acknowledging the uncertainty of it, basing your projection not on nonexistent guarantees but on realistic patterns of human behavior, and recognizing that things may not turn out at all as anticipated. Perhaps a modicum of disappointment but nothing to equal the treachery one feels when what was expected does not realize.

Dennis Wholey: "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian."

Minimize your expectations, nothing is guaranteed to happen the way you want, hope and wish it to happen. Is that not one of the beauties of life...its unknowingness?

Here is the scorecard: If what you EXPECT to happen does happen...nice. If what you expect to happen doesn't happen: severe disappointment, anger, rage...see above.

If what you ANTICIPATE happening does happen...wonderful, deep appreciation. Didn't have to happen, but it did. If what you ANTICIPATE to happen doesn't happen...minor setback, "Hey, I couldn't EXPECT it to happen, could I?"

Nope.