THE WHO-YOU BOX

The Massa case is a screamer. So I am going to scream.

GIVE IT UP GUYS. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE MY ADULT LIFE AMONG BABOONS WILDLY JUMPING UP AND DOWN GRUNTING AND BURPING. WE ARE SEXUAL PEOPLE. SEX IS NOT DIRTY. GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

Representative Eric Massa of New York was at a staffer's wedding when something happened. What exactly happened is not clear since 99% of the radio and tv people commenting on the event were not there. Nor was I. But somehow a story got circulated that a male aide had suggested to Massa that he have sex with a woman at the wedding, and that Massa had tousled the aide's hair and had replied that it would be better if he had sex with the male aide. The language was a bit more graphic. A grievance involving sexual abuse was filed against Massa with the House Ethics Committee. Massa, claiming that there was no abuse, just usual frolicking bantering, and that he was being forced out of office by Dems to help get their health insurance into law, resigned his office.

COME ON PEOPLE. What in tarnation is wrong with two adults talking about sex? Are we such infants that the subject is taboo? That someone ought lose his or her job, his family's income, for merely daring to say something about sex? So what if Massa meant it? So what if he is gay? A crime to have a different sexual orientation that you want him to have? Did he harass the aide? Threaten to fire him if he didn't go along? Did Massa pull out a gun or a knife and his sexual organ and threaten him forcefully? But but but, you say, we have laws about what can be said, even jokingly and nonthreateningly in the workplace. True we do, but they are laws that should not be there. Speech on any subject ought not be seen as criminal unless and until it rises to the level of harassment or abuse.

Which made me think of other laws we have on the books about the workplace that should be removed. Laws concerning "discrimination" in hiring. I owned two companies and last time I checked the law, I had a right to deal with my property as I, and not the Government, sees fit. If I wanted to hire only people of a certain age, or only emembers of a particular race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or whatever..that was my business. Literally. My business. Want others to be hired? Start your own business.

Now you know and I know that though an employer may not legally ask a job applicant certain questions, he can see the applicant, can't he? And get plenty of information without asking.

So so so, for the purpose of being a good law abiding citizen and helping to enforce the law that shouldn't be, I have invented The Interview Cage...colloquially called the WHO-YOU box. It is a rectangular enclosed container that measures 7' high and 3' wide on each of its four sides. There is a seat inside so the interviewee can sit and be comfortable. There is a small 1" x 1" hole through which granola bars and water packets can be passed. There is a waste disposal system for you know what.

There is also

* a microphone that distorts the interviewee's voice to prevent sex discrimination

* large protrusions at the bottom that the interviewee stands in, and which move mechanically, so that the size and shape of the interviewee's feet cannot be seen and his/her gender revealed

* a 2" x 2" one-way glass mirror which allows the interviewee to look out but not the interviewer to see the interviewee's face, to prevent race, age, and ethnic discrimination

* triple layered opaque steel sides that prevent the interviewer from seeing if the interviewee is pregnant or physically deformed, wearing Crucifixes, Stars of David or other spiritual emblems, to avoid religious, physical and Siamese twin discrimination.

Extensive research shows that in trial runs, except for the chimpanzee that was hired to be a telephone operator in Podunk, and a squirrel that was hired to crack nuts on a Planters assembly line in Dubuque, everyone hired when using the WHO-YOU was in fact human...we think.

How come no one thought of this before? I'M GONNA BE RICH!