ARDI THE TREND SETTER

In 1992, our oldest known human ancestor was discovered in Ethiopia. Belonging to the Ardipithecus ramidus species, and nicknamed Ardi, she lived about 4.4 million years ago, over a million years before Lucy, previously thought to be our oldest ancestor. Ardi stood 4 feet tall and weighed about 110 pounds. Her skeleton reveals that her species, similar to early apes, used all four limbs to climb trees, but was bipedal on the ground, the way we humans are. Considering the fact that walking on all four limbs is a much more efficient way of getting around, the question arises: What would have induced Ardi, and particularly the male hunters of her species, to be bipedal on the ground?

The answer suggested by some who claim to "know" what happened over 4 million years ago may surprise you. It was monogamy and sex, they say.

Apes and gorillas were polygamous by nature. They had large canine teeth which males used as weapons in battles with other apes and gorillas for sexual favors. Those with larger canines usually won, had more offspring, and survived evolutionarily. The Ardipithecus had smaller canines...convincing some scientists that they had learned they could obtain and retain the exclusive sexual favors of a particular female not by fighting for her, and thus no need for large canines, but by bringing her food. Walking upright gave the Ardipithecus two hands to easier carry that food, and more of it...which turned that species toward monogamous relationships.

One thing further. Gorillas and apes that had to fight for sex had bristles on their sexual organs. These bristles provoked quick ejaculation, which enabled them to have many sexual encounters while still leaving them fighting time. Females, too, preferred quick ejaculations to increase their chances of bearing offspring. The Ardipithecus had no such bristles because, the scientists say, there was no evolutionary need for quick ejaculations since they had become monogamous and did not need fighting time to win sexual favors. And females no longer preferred "quickies" because they had a guaranteed mate at their beck and call.

Today, taking a lady out for a dinner that may lead to sex is still the order of the day, and quick ejaculations are not what most females prefer, I've been told. Nothing's changed since Ardi.

I guess 4 million years is just a drop in the old bucket, evolutionarily speaking.